Diskographie & Lyrics

The heat comes in distant shifts to fill up my room
It spills out of these ancient vents, to meet the new cold
And I lay in my twisted sheets and stare out at the snow
Thinking of the next few months, my cold and lifeless eyes
No, I've never felt so separate
And then there's you, but that's so obvious
So I'll just say that it's hopeless, and I know this
That's why I can't dream
No desire or circumstance keeps it from me
One by one, to department stores, we walk through the aisles
In the forest of designer clothes, you touch me and smile
And oh, for a moment, I could want nothing
Your bright eyes burn through my exploding heart
So we stand as the shoppers pass us
And for once I can feel a touch completely
And I need to just be near you and fill these empty eyes
But you start turning as resistance pulls you from my cold and boring life
Let's make this easy and let time pass
As devotion dies, the list goes on and on
What difference is it
I'm aching, and I'm waiting for the touch to cure the fear
To cure the fear

Virginia's almost sleeping, the night is getting older
There's static on the tv and she's lying on the sofa
The cats crawl over her
Jenny's in the garage, she's got the car in neutral
She rolls it out so quietly
It's Saturday as usual
It always is
And me I'm in my bedroom, drawing in my notebook
'Cause my hand thinks I'm an artist, but my heart knows I'm a poet
It's just words, they mean so little to me
So little to me, so little to me
And I can't seem to deal with something more from everyone
It falls back (?)
Daddy's in the backyard, his hands are getting dirty
And mom is in the kitchen, and the cake says that I'm thirteen
Another year
My brother went to college to become a doctor
And if he studies hard enough, he'll end up just like father
Who hates his life
And me, I'm in the bathroom, crying out my eyelids
'Cause it's hard to be a man when you're scared
Just like a little kid
Words become a little too mean
And I can't see the point of patient love
When everyone just wants to get fucked

Tell me what you wanted to hear
Let me do the right thing, let me do the wrong thing
And if it's ever this clear
I'll only say it once
Just let me turn the amps way up
So you can hear nothing
And if I die tonight, then I guess I die tonight
Let me go on
Just say what you wanted to say
I cannot stand these talks, dear
They're only getting nowhere
It's never resolved, we only run around
You only tell me anyone could be just like me
If it was a different time and a different place to be
You would go on

I wanted to come visit you waiting in the springtime
When the leaves change
And the ground outside is begging for that newness that surrounds us
As we dance back through the screen door
In the sunlight of mid-April
But the glow won't stop the smiles that are spreading on our faces
As we fall down on the kitchen floor
And she's laughing about something that she had heard earlier
And I can't help noticing that she is sitting closer to me
Than she ever has before

We escape from the house as the day disappears from the sky into night
We became what we wanted to be, like a dream or a ghost
I collapsed out of turn near a house
Lying still in the grass and felt the heat from the ground
Rising up to contract and expand like a breath
We leave from that place soaked with sweat and the poison we drank
Fill the bathtub with ice and hope this fever will break
Like a heart, easily
But I do not recall all the words that were formed
On those wire lips as they greeted me
A promise was made without thought as the temperature climbed
And I started to sink like the moon tends to do if you stare at it so long
Then you blink and it's gone, and we crawl to our sleep with the dawn
And isn't it the same mistake? And isn't it the same mistake?
There's not much you can escape
And isn't it the same?
We awake in the light feeling hollow and selfishly warm
Close the blinds and retreat until what's burning is gone
And its light is away
Then we're back in the dark chasing nothing through backyards and trees
You ripped your shirt on a fence, but it didn't get me
Yeah, it's fear, it makes you slow
And these creatures look crooked, their shadows cut lines through my face
And the concrete is fire where my bare feet are placed
In a line next to yours
And I guess I'm not sure if it's fear that was born
As those awful eyes laid their claim on us
I put my hands on the fence, said your name, and I started to climb
And it must have been sweat but I drank it like wine
It was sweet, my mouth was dry
I heard your scream but I made no reply
I can still taste it now if I try

I had a beautiful, beautiful time
The drives and the talks were amazing
The kind of friend I thought I'd never find
I had a beautiful, beautiful time
You have a beautiful, beautiful smile
The way it curls and collapses on your lips
When you touch me I shake like a child
It's late, I'm afraid you might leave
'Cause sometimes it seems like you still don't believe me
There's nothing I can do to concentrate
It's so distracting, always thinking of you
So I expose and explain and I meant everything I said
And it's moments like this that repeat and replay in my head
When I'm laying in bed
It's a beautiful, beautiful time
As you laugh and roll onto your stomach
The carpet embraces your design
My heart pounds as I lay by your side
And I find that I am unable to hide all these feelings that flow
In this basement, and in this dim light, you look so beautiful
I'm unsure and unclear with the words that I say
I'm happy when you're near and I wish that forever could stay
Just like today
You have beautiful, beautiful eyes
So bright and alive and enchanting
I want to be with you all of the time
It's hopeless but I have to try

How many lights do you see?
How many lights do you see?
There's one to say that night has come
And there's one that guards this jagged shore
And there's one to call the children home
And there's one to light the path they take
How many lights do you see?
How many lights do you see?
There's one to keep the shadows off
And there's one that tells me she got home
And there's one to read his novel by
And there's one that warms this dreary room
And there's one to watch the baby sleep
And there's one to count the blinking stars
And there's one that I just can't forget
And there's one that I remember too
How many lights do you see?
How many lights do you see?
There's one that waits for closing time
And there's one that gets left on all night
And there's one that marks the western sky
And it shines down on the quiet street
And there's one that floods the darker parts
And there's one that hurts my tired eyes
And there's one that says she's not asleep
And there's one that waits for her to wake
How many lights do you see?
How many lights do you see?
There is one that spills out on the beach
And it sparkles on the jetting rocks
And there is one that waits for tired ships
That sleep within this tired port

Meaning is sometimes hard to spot
It begins with the flickering of cigarettes
In the darkness of a dorm room, somewhere in this suffocated Midwest
But if this is real then I was mistaken
And if there is truth then why can't we find it?
But beauty comes to those who have been waiting
For something that is bigger than themselves
But this is the sound of the hopeless kids
As they scream from the basements of the houses of their parents
And this is the sound of the hopeless ones
As they stare down at their books and realize that they've been lied to
But if this is real then I was mistaken
And if the vision's gone, then I was not aware
Consistency like that which I have craved is that people change so unexpectedly
And realization finds you in a drunken airport
Some planes depart and others never arrive
So with this in mind I don't plan on waiting
If it's time to leave and break these old ties
Without something more the vision is fading
But until it's gone the pain will make us try
But this is the hope I've been searching for
As the wings catch the sunlight of the cold Nebraska skyline
And this is the dream I am dying in
As I wake to find tomorrow, be content without perfection
But if this is real then I was mistaken
And if the vision's gone then I was not aware

My grandfather's name was Moon because his eyes were bright and round
And no amount of time or liquor could dull them
My grandmother's name was Joy because it spilled out of her heart
And bathed her precious children in its warmth
And there was happiness in life beyond the sorrow and the pain
But how they ever found it I cannot explain
I guess time has a way of making everything all right
It's just there's not enough of it
And so we drink and we sing and we celebrate this life
And hope that it will last
Morning is here, and night has passed
My grandfather was a doctor, he cured the sick with his kind hands
And he taught me how to sail and how to find dry land
My grandmother was all sweetness, when she spoke we all heard bells
And they rang in such a way that we were comforted
And they held on to each other with all the strength they had
And they loved with devotion beyond what I understand
But fear has a way of making sleep unbearable, and the days seem cold and long
But we'll cry and we dance, and we stumble into love in awkward, perfect grace
The moon is gone and the sun has took its place

Emily, sing something sweet for me
I want to feel the warmth inside your heart
Emily, sing something sweet for me
I need to feel those words out of your mouth
Emily, sing something, please
I want to face the life behind your eyes
Emily, sing something, something, something, sweet

It is not the past few days that have made me feel this way
And it is not the tiny marks of doubt that cover everything I see
It is just the way she looks at me with a love so complete
That I have never seen
And from this grows a strong, undying guilt
The feeling of regret for things I never felt
But oh, I wanted to change and become what she needs
I know what she needs, what I can never be

And, if it's true, baby, I'm the one in love with you
And I guess that I've been all my life
And I know, and I'll try
And I'll love you more than those other guys
'Cause you mean the world to me
You're exactly what I need
Baby, I'm waiting for you to stop shaking and come closer to me
My love and protection, my love and devotion, devotion
Covered the spread, won the bets
And now I'm the one who won your heart, and I hope that you'll always be mine
'Cause our love is for all time
And trust of a virtue, I'll never desert you
Or leave you behind
Forever and ever, yeah, we'll be together
Together, we'll be
And if it's true, baby, I'm the one in love with you
And I swear that I've been all my life
Covered the spread, won the bets
Baby, I'm the one that won your heart
And I know, and if it's true

Close your eyes
The dark outside can't hurt you
And I will never desert your bedside
So close them tight
The stars are so glad that they've found you
And on the blankets that surround you
They shine their light, they shine their light
So rest your head, and I will be watching from the doorway
As you slip into a perfect, peaceful sleep
And morning will come, in all its simple glory
And you will find the light
And I will be there, standing in your shadow
Knowing that you once were mine
All mine, my baby, my girl

She kills, with foreign films, the emptiness of day to day
And I wait until the weekend comes
So I can clear this uselessness from my brain
I count the days until she arrives, those precious minutes when she is mine
As we walk from my front door to her car we're so close and alone
But that will disappear in a room filled with the warmth of others' company
There's just too much company
I hide my wounded pride and stare off into the other cars
If I could just speak the words to tell her exactly how I feel
I count the ways that I might say it but I know that none of them will work
Because she won't feel the same
I've come this far but I can't go through with it
Because the truth would hurt too much, this hurts too much
She goes back to the west coast to drink in the sunshine
And I will stay here in these dead plains and try to make a seed grow
And I would pray for rain if I thought that it would help

Agony and withdrawal disrupt my well-being
A voice flooded by the piercing and the sounds of distant lands
Silence is my heart, I carry out my cross
While the sun suffers away
The clouds reveal the chariots of venus
Restrictions of time and space retire
While her bright eyes burn through my exploding heart
And I can see I'm in heaven with her flesh in my arms
Easy the undeniable, the misery of my lack of truth
With the truth of love

She says she's read too many fashion magazines
She's forgotten what real love is like
And as the basement collects more kids off the street
They smoke themselves to death waiting for the band to begin
They've been tuning up there for an hour now
And I don't think I can stand another minute more
But just then the first chord strums, and the drums set in
And I know what I have been waiting around for
Because no one's going home until the morning comes
No one's going to sleep until the sun comes up
Did you hear those first two songs?
They were fucking tuff
And the band's not going to stop until the cops show up
So hold your applause until the end, and wait for the sadness to set in
Because that's the only feeling that's worth a damn
He says he's done with the pop music scene
There's too many opinions and so few are worth a shit
He has got to learn to act a little more mean
Because the mean ones always end up with the record deals
And it's only when I'm angry that I feel complete
When we are screaming at each other is when I am most happy
I hang out with my friends and then I get depressed
And I drink myself to sleep with any strength that is left
And I quit going to church a year ago
And my teachers think that my faith is gone
But I can do without the eucharist because I found God
In a Solid Jackson song

All eyes on the calendar, another year I claim of total indifference
To here the days pile up with decisions to be made
I'm sure all of them were wrong
Into this song, I send myself
And with these drinks I plan to collapse and forget
This wasted year, these wasted years
Devoted friends, they disappear
I'm sorry about the phone call, and needing you
Some decisions you don't make
I guess it's just like breathing, or not wanting to
There are some things that you can't fake
I guess that it's typical to cling to memories you'll never get back again
And to sort through old photographs of a summer long ago
Or a friend that you used to know
And there, below his frozen face, you wrote the name and that ancient date
And you can't believe he is really gone
When all that's left is a fucking song
I'm sorry about the phone call and waking you
I know that it's late
But thank you for talking, because I needed to
Some things just can't wait

Come by when you get off work
I'll be sitting around doing nothing
We can wait till the sun goes down
Then we can drive off deep into the night I don't care where we're going, as long as I'm going with you
The summer swells in, with the heat comes a new kind of wanting
Cool nights never cooled us off
Lay around and wait for something to happen
When it is three lonely figures
A bedroom, a basement, she's scared
Which one is sleeping and which one is lying awake?
Yeah, which one is sleeping and which one is lying about it?
Afternoons drag on and on, movie nights that never end
We can hang out all night long, lay in bed and talk to a good friend
'Cause you only get older and you probably forget what it's like
The university's quiet today
We didn't clean, we just talked in the bathroom
The girl always gets in the way
Ruined friendships, but others replace them
These opinions are poison, I've been drinking them all of my life
I could never replace you, and I could never forget what it's like
Step out on a moonlit roof, the radio leads a feel good revolution
Cigarettes and my closest friends
I tell myself that I have to remember this
I have to remember this

I dreamt of a fever, one that would cure me of this cold, winter-set heart
With heat to melt these frozen tears, burned with reasons as to carry on
Into these twisted months I plunge without a light to follow
But I swear that I would follow anything
Just get me out of here
But you get six months to adapt, and you get two more to leave town
And in the event that you do adapt, we still might not want you around
But I fell for the promise of a life with a purpose
But I know that that's impossible now
And so I drink to stay warm, and to kill selected memories
'Cause I just can't think anymore about that, or about her tonight
I give myself three days to feel better
Or else I swear I'm driving off a fucking cliff
'Cause if I can't make myself feel better
How can I expect anyone else to give a shit?
And I scream for the sunlight, or a car to take me anywhere
Just get me past this dead and eternal snow
'Cause I swear that I'm dying, slowly but it's happening
And if the perfect spring is waiting somewhere
Just take me there, and lie to me and say it's gonna be all right
It's gonna be all right, yeah you worry too much kid
It's gonna be all right

I had a brother once
He drowned in a bathtub before he'd ever learned how to talk
And I don't know what his name was but my mother does, I heard her say it once
Padraic my prince, I have all but died from the sheer weight of my shame
You cried but no one came and the water filled your tiny lungs
Appear, my dear, and sing to me
It was six years ago today that we laid you in your grave
Your sweet young skin was shining then too
And so tonight to celebrate i will poison myself
Another coughing, shaking fit in a bathroom that is spinning
So I close the door and rest my head on the tile floor
Sickness and sleep turning me cold
I'm still not sure, is there some better place I should be heading towards?
Where the selfishly sick and self-absorbed are welcome
I saw the future once, I was drunk in a phone booth
My eyes were wet and red, but I could not tell what was said
And through the screams of the traffic voices carried
Saying I'm sorry
On a day so gray it's black inside, watching churches on TV
In a coma you don't dream, you just hope that someone sits with you
Babies turn blue when they're ignored like the sky on summer days
Before you turn and walk away it has changed you
So tonight to compensate I will poison myself
Another coughing, shaking fit in a bathroom that is spinning

Contrast and compare
Between the busy ones, and the ones that don't care
Until there is no one that you really know
So I drift through these days of appointments and promises made
They will all end up broken and quickly replaced
Weeks are slow, days drag on
Even practice and parties seem long, but I find myself going
I guess there's nothing to do... oh well
Group of kids, line of cars, more will show up after the bars close
There's this boredom that drowns everything
Bottles break, music plays, conversations competing for space
I look for a corner or a quieter room
There's no heat in this house, I can't breathe with these words in my mouth
But I'm not going to say them
Yeah, I've made that mistake before
On the stairs, she grabs my arm
Says whats up, where you been, is something wrong?
I try to just smile, and say everything's fine

The city has sex with itself I suppose
As the concrete collides, the scenery grows
And the lonely once bandaged lay fully exposed
Having exposed their wounds for each other
And there's a boy in a basement with a four track machine
He's been strumming and screaming all night, down there
The tape hiss will cover the words that he sings
But they say it's better to bury your sadness
In a graveyard or garden that waits for the spring
To awake from its sleep and burst into green
And I've cried and you would think I'd feel better for it
But the sadness just sleeps and it stays in your spine for the rest of your life
And I've learned and you'd think I'd be something more now
But it just goes to show it is not what you know
It's what you were thinking at the time
This feeling's familiar, I've been here before
In a kitchen this quiet I waited for a sign
Or just something that might reassure me
Of anything close to meaning or motion, with a reason to move
I need something I want to be close to
And I scream, but I still don't know why I do it
Because the sound never stays, it just swells and decays
So what is the point?
Why try to fight what is now so certain?
The truth is all that I am is a passing event
That will be forgotten

Now that it's June, we'll sleep out in the garden
And if it rains, we'll just sink into the mud
Where it is quiet and much cooler than the house is
And there's no clocks or phones to wake us up
Because I have learned that nothing is as pressing
As the one who's pressing would like you to believe
And I'm content to walk a little slower
Because there's nowhere that I really need to be
And I find that life is easier when it's just a blur
With no details to confuse who or what or where I was
So when the ending comes the full regret will seem obscure
But these are days we dream about when the sunlight paints us gold
And this apartment could not be prettier
As we dance up there alone
And this TV's old, the color's fucked, do you see the difference in the shades?
But the green's still close to green, my love
And I believe we are the same
And we'll stay like this, all gold and green
Light collects and projects your heart on a movie screen
And if you close your eyes, we will always be
The way we were that night you crawled inside of me
And you slept in my blood the way you sleep now
The quietest hush has consumed this house
And when the doctors have gone and you sweat through the bed
With the pictures and pills they piled around your head
Just rest now, and in a moment you'll know everything
Was it all a dream?
It's too vague now to recount
An outline of the one you loved
In a life that was, that no longer will be
Stands above you as you sleep

Touch, lying on the floor
Wishing this could last, knowing that it can't
And soon you will leaveAnd I'll be on the floor, watching the TV
Trying hard to find a reason to move
I'm frozen in one place, staring at the screen
Listening to the rain falling on the street
Some days go on too long, and no one can hang out tonight
Here, where the carpet's cool and soft
Underneath the clock I feel my weary heart is put to rest
You gather around your friends, the connection that you feel
When the night has not yet died
You are new, with the promise of a love you'll probably never find
And a touch that you can really feel
The brokenness inside as hope and this collide
And nothing is real
Oh, there's nothing more I want
Than just one night that's free of doubt and sadness
One night, one night, that I can really feel

I spent a week drinking the sunlight of Winnetka, California
Where they understand the weight of human hearts
See, sorrow gets too heavy and joy it tends to hold you
With the fear that it eventually departs
And the truth is I've been dreaming of some tired tranquil place
Where the weather won't get trapped inside my bones
And if all these years of searching find one sympathetic face
Then it's there I'll plant these seeds and make my home
I spent a day dreaming of dying in Mesa, Arizona
Where all the green of life had turned to ash
And I felt I was on fire, with the things I could have told you
I just assumed that you eventually would ask
And I wouldn't have to bring up my so badly broken heart
And all those months I just wanted to sleep
And though spring, it did come slowly, I guess it did its part
My heart has thawed and continues to beat
And I visited my brother on the outskirts of Olympia
Where the forest and the water become one
And we talked about our childhood, like a dream we were convinced of
The perfect, peaceful street that we came from
And I know he heard me strumming all those sad and simple chords
As I sat inside my room so long ago
And it hurts that he's still shaking from those secrets that were told
By a car closed up too tight and a heart turned cold
And I went to San Diego, and the birthplace of the summer
And watched the ocean dance under the moon
There was a girl I knew there, one more potential lover
I guess that something's gotta happen soon
'Cause I know I can't keep living in this dead or dying dream
And as I walked along the beach and drank with her
I thought about my true love, the one I really need
With eyes that burn so bright, they make me pure
They make me pure, they make me pure
I long to be with you
They make me pure, they make me pure
I long to be with you

Is the passion all gone?
Or is it still newly-wed?
If all this heat's doing is making us stick to the bed
Then there is no life to revive
But if the hunger's still there, hidden somewhere inside
Covered up by the boredom we've been trying to hide
Then dig it up and devour it
And it'll be more like a song
And less like it's math
When you pull on my hair, and bite me like that
And the truth is that I can't hardly wait
And I don't care if we stay up too late
Don't answer the phone, don't answer the phone
And it'll be more like a song
And less like it's math
When you pull on my hair, and bite me like that
And the truth is that I can't hardly wait
It's so bad I can't concentrate
Don't answer the phone, don't answer the phone
And it'll be more like a song
And less like it's math
When you pull on my hair, and bite me like that

The language in the dimmer rooms seems to represent the light source well
How soft they speak and seem to be at peace
With the music and the madness that is pulling me into this
And the shades of the lamps are woven red
The light, it stains and consecrates
Anointing all forgotten forms that swirl and smoke and haunt this place
The girls in gowns all nurse the dark, pulling it near to their swelling breasts
And watch as it seeps to their hearts, and beats within their virgin chests
And here I know seduction breeds from wanton hearts that would seduce
And grows and spreads its vine and leaves
Embracing those who might have moved
But now remain to drink the night from vials black and thick
With intoxicating delights that would leave you drunk inside this dream
And you watch them take the light from you
And you find yourself on a velvet couch
Tasting the skin of a foreign girl
Her eyes are black and wet like oil
And she ties your hands with a string of pearls
And you tremble like a frightened bird as she closes in and captures you
To place you in a silver cage deep within her poisoned womb
And once you're safe inside
She might let you out to fly in circles around the room
But it's always night and there is no moon
And you wonder if you're still alive, and you�re not sure if you want to be
But you drank her sweat like it was wine, and you lay with her on a bed of blue
And it's awful sweet, like the fruit she cuts and feeds to you

Let's sail away, past the noise of the bay
Let's sail away, past the birth and death of the day
Let's sail away, to where the blues and greens swirl into gray
Let's sail away
Let's sail away, past the cradle of these waves
Let's sail away, past the tide and its slow decay
Let's sail away, to where the water goes, some endless open space
Let's sail away
Take only what you need, my love, and leave the rest behind
Don't be afraid of where we'll go, my love, I promise we'll be fine
Now you are the only one that's mine
Let's sail away, past the reflections of the light
Let's sail away, floating weightless through the night
Let's sail away, like a photograph, fading to all white
It's finally all right
Forget all the mistakes, my love, they won't be made again
Leave the photos in the drawer, my love, we no longer need them
We both know where we've been
Let's sail away, disappearing in the mist
Let's sail away, with a whisper and a kiss
Or vanish from a road somewhere, like Tereza and Tomas
Suspended in this bliss

Sitting around, no work today
Try pacing to keep awake
Laying around, no school today
Just drink until the clock has circled all the way
It's late afternoon as you walk through the rooms
Of a house that is quiet, except for unanswered telephones
You stand near the sink while you're mixing a drink
You think you don't want to pass out
Where your roommates will find you again
Stumble around the neighborhood with nothing to do
You're always looking for something to sniff, smoke, or swallow
Calling over next door to see what they've got
You would settle for anything that would make your brain slow down or stop
Break this circle of thoughts you chase
Before they catch back up with you
Your parents noticied your thinning face
All the weight you lost, all the weight you're losing
You said, "I'm done feeling like a skeleton, no more sleep walking dead"
You're gonna wake from this coma
You're gonna crawl from this bed you have made
And stop counting on that camera that hangs round your neck
Because you will never remember what you choose to forget
As you try to find some source of light
Try to name one thing you like
You used to have such a longer list
And light, you never had to look for it
But now it's so easy, it's so easy to second guess everything you do
Until all you want is to finish this half-empty glass
Before the ice all melts away
This feeling always used to pass
But it seems like it's every day
Seems like it's every night now

Lately I've been wishing I had one desire
Something that would make me never want another
Something that would make it so that nothing matters
All would be clear then
But I guess I'll have to settle for a few brief moments
And watch it all dissolve into a single second
And try to write it down into a perfect sonnet
Or one foolish line
'Cause that's all that you'll get, so you'll have to accept
You are here, then you're gone
But I believe that lovers should be tied together
Thrown into the ocean in the worst of weather
Left there to drown, left there to drown in their innocence
But as for me I'm coming to the final chapter
I read all of the pages and there's still no answer
Only all that was before I know must soon come after
That's the only way it can be
So I stand in the sun, and I breathe with my lungs
I'm trying to spare me the weight of the truth
Saying everything you've ever seen was just a mirror
You've spent your whole life sweating in an endless fever
And laying in a bathtub full of freezing water
Wishing you were a ghost
But once you knew a girl and you named her Lover
Danced with her in kitchens through the greenest summer
Autumn came, she disappeared, you can't remember
Where she said she was going to
But you know that she's gone 'cause she left you a song
That you don't want to sing
We're singing, I believe that lovers should be chained together
Thrown into a fire with their songs and letters
And left there to burn in their arrogance
But as for me I'm coming to my final failure
I've killed myself with changes trying to make things better
Ended up becoming something other than what I had planned to be
All right
I believe that lovers should be draped in flowers
And laid entwined together on a bed of clover
And left there to sleep
Left there to dream of their happiness

There's a car parked where the block begins
And there are people singing praises
Say it's all because of him
And there's a bird perched on a frayed wet wire
And his voice sings out for a lover
But it's covered by the choir
Of voices reaching way beyond the rafters
With devotion they perform these sacred tasks
They cross themselves and offer up their checkbooks
Say that suffering is not too much to ask
Besides, we all are making money
And we're all fucking alone
And we don't know what we're doing
Maybe just buying us some hope
Because we know that we are lonely
Yeah, lonely that's for sure
And the older ones are coughing
Yeah, the older ones are dying
Maybe we're all dying
I pass a graveyard on my way to work
Today I saw two dozen white roses on a fresh new mound of dirt
And I wondered about the occupant
When the darkness finally swallowed him, was he calm and content?
Or was he sweating in a struggle to keep breathing
Ripping apart the sheets that dressed his bed
Crying out loud for someone to help him
And collapsing on his back all pale and dead
Maybe it's me who's this unstable
Always obsessed about the end
Why can't I let what happens happen, and just enjoy the time I spend?
Oh, how I wish it was that easy
But when there is no point to anything
It can get a bit confusing
why it is that I keep going
Why is it that we keep going?

If you could change your days, arranging them in some sweet new sequence
Like any new arrangement's gonna make a difference
Because it's the moment that you're living in and not the one that follows
That makes this mess you're cleaning in your head
And time still drags you forward, though you keep resisting
Because you know it's what you leave behind that you'll soon start missing
And the people you once counted on now say it's all depending
On how you act and how you treat yourself
And that's not very well
So baby, when I call for you
I want you to come and explain yourself to everyone
You nod in an acknowledgement of your frequent mood swings
But what good's an acknowledgement, it still don't change things
We've tried all forms of encouragement, and it's still no better
You just can't seem to fake or force a smile
Not even a little one
So baby, when I call to you I want you to come
And lay it out for everyone
Exactly how it was before any of this happened
And why you can't leave it behind
Don't just sit there when I call to you
I told you to come and lay it out for
Don't feel awkward
Lay it out for everyone

In the morning when you throw up water
And your skin, it turns a pale, pale yellow
Well, every day you lose more color
Do you think that someone paints your mirror?
Do you think that someone paints your mirror?
So you think that things sound different
At the time when you speak
Well, there are visions much clearer than these blurs that you see
And like Neely O'Hara, you swallow your sleep
And wake up in the morning to find out
You are not who you used to be
You don't recognize behavior, or the spelling of your name
And the shape that's in the mirror
Well, you'd swear it's not the same
And like Neely O'Hara, you swallow your sleep
And you really can't remember
But you know you are not, think you are not
No, you are not who you used to be

You turn on a spindle
You're so much looser now, but you're not explaining how
You gained such new repose
I touch the clasp of your locket, with its picture held
Some secret you wouldn't tell
But let it choke your neck
So imagine a darkness, where all shapes divide, solids changing into light
With a burst of heat so bright
Well fine, don't you do what I want you to
Don't degrade yourself the way I do
Because you don't depend on all the shit that I use
To make my moods improve
Near a sea of pianos, there were waves of chords that crashed against the shore
In one huge and pointless roar
And there were girls bringing water, like a dream they came
To cure the fever of my brain and soothe my burning throat
And they made me a necklace, hanging beads of sweat on a string of my regrets
And placed it round my neck, and they were singing,
"Don't you do what you've wanted to
Yeah, don't destroy yourself like those cowards do
And maybe the sun keeps coming up because it has gotten used to you
And your constant need for proof

Here's a scale, weigh it out and you'll find, easily
More than sufficient doubt that these colors you see were picked in advance
By some careful hand with an absolute concept of beauty
They are smeared and these blurs come in random order
And they color the eyes of your former lovers
Hers were green like July, except when she cried they were red
Now, I know a disease that these doctors can't treat
You contract on the day you accept all you see
Is a mirror, and a mirror is all it can be-
A reflection of something we're missing
And language just happened, it was never planned
And it's inadequate to describe where I am
In the room of my house where the light's never been
Waiting for this day to end
And these clocks keep unwinding and completely ignore
Everything that we hate or adore
Once the page of a calendar is turned it's no more
So tell me then, what was it for?
Oh tell me, what was it for?

Does he kiss your eyelids in the morning when you start to raise your head?
And does he sing to you incessantly from the place between your bed and wall?
Does he walk around all day at school with his feet inside your shoes?
Looking down every few steps to pretend he walks with you?
Oh, does he know that place below your neck that is your favorite to be touched?
And does he cry through broken sentences, like 'I love you far too much'?
Does he lay awake listening to your breath?
Worried that you smoke too many cigarettes?
Is he coughing now on a bathroom floor?
For every speck of tile there's a thousand more
You won't ever see, but must hold inside yourself eternally
Well, I drug your ghost across the country and we plotted out my death
In every city, memories would whisper, 'Here is where you rest'
I was determined in Chicago but I dug my teeth into my knees
And I settled for a telephone and sang into your machine
'You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine'
And I kissed a girl with a broken jaw that her father gave to her
She had eyes bright enough to burn me, they reminded me of yours
And in a story told she was a little girl in a red-rouge, sun-bruised field
And there were rows of ripe tomatoes where a secret was concealed
And it rose like thunder, clapped under our hands
And it stretched for centuries to a diary entry's end where I wrote,
'You make me happy when skies are gray
You make me happy when skies are gray, and gray, and gray'
Well the clock's heart, it hangs inside its open chest
With hands stretched towards the calendar hanging itself
But I will not weep for those dying days
For all the ones who've left there's a few that've stayed
And they found me here and pulled me from the grass where I was laid

Now and again it seems worse than it is
But mostly the view is accurate
You see your breath in the air as you climb up the stairs
To that coffin you call your apartment
And you sink in the chair, brush the snow from your hair
And drink the cold away
And you're not really sure what you're doing this for
But you need something to fill up the days
A few more hours
There's a dream in my brain that just won't go away
It's been stuck there since it came a few nights ago
I'm standing on a bridge in the town where I lived
As a kid with my mom and my brothers
And then the bridge disappears and I'm standing on air with nothing holding me
And I hang like a star, fucking glow in the dark
For all their starving eyes to see
Like the ones we've wished on, but now I'm confused
Is this death really you?
Do these dreams have any meaning?
No, no, I think it's more like a ghost
That's been following us both
Something vague that we're not seeing
Something more like a feeling

You follow the footsteps, echoes leading down a hall
To a room, there's music playing, tiny bells with moving parts
Here the shadows make things ugly, an effect quite undesirable
And the gold and yellow daylight grows like ivy across the wall
And it bounces off of the painted porcelain, a tiny dancing doll
Her body spins, as she pirouettes again, the world suddenly seems small
On an off-white, subtle morning
You stretch your legs in the front seat
And the road has made a vacuum where our voices used to be
And you lay your head onto my shoulder, pour like water over me
So if I just exist for the next ten minutes of this drive that would be fine
And all these trees that line this curb would be rejoicing and alive
Soon all the joy that pours from everything makes fountains of your eyes
Because you finally understand the movement of a hand
Waving good-bye

The fragile keep secrets, gathered in pockets
And they'll sell them for nothing, a cheap watch or locket
That kind of gold washes off
And the sad act like lepers, they stick to the shadows
They long to ring bells of warning to tell of their coming
So that the pure can shut their doors
And the angry are animals, senseless and savage
They act without order in logical lapses
They stain their mouths with blood
So take my hand, this barren land is alive tonight
Oh, the corn has grown stalks that form a wall too high
But the wind carries sounds that I can't see from beyond that line
Then the stalks begin to sway
Oh, stay with me, Arienette, until the wolves are away
Yeah
The wicked are vultures, and they bake in the canyons
They circle in sunlight and wait for their victims
To collapse and call to them
And the desperate are water, they'll run down forever
As they soak into silence and end up together
In a dark and distant, dark and distant place
So don't leave me here, with only mirrors watching me
This house, it holds nothing but the memories
And the moon, it leaves silver but never sleep
And then the sunlight turns to gray
Oh, stay with me, Arienette, until the wolves are away

Tomorrow when I wake up I'm finding my brother
And I'm making him take me back down to the water
That lake where we sailed and we laughed with our father
I will not desert him, I will not desert him
No matter how I may wish for a coffin so clean
Or these trees to undress all their leaves onto me
I'll put my face in the dirt and then finally I'll see
The sky that has been avoiding me
Well, I started this letter, I'm gonna send it to Ruba
It will be blessed by her eyes on the gulf coast of Florida
With her feet in the sand and one hand on her swimsuit
She'll recite the prayer of my pen
Saying, time take us forward
Relief from this longing
They can land that plane on my heart, I don't care
Just give me November, the warmth of a whisper
In the freezing darkness of my room
But no matter what I would do in attempt to replace
All these pills that I take trying to balance my brain
I see the curious girl with that look on her face
So surprised, she stares out from her display case

The phone slips from a loose grip
Words were missed like some apology
I didn't want to tell you this
No, it's just some guy she's been hanging out with
I don't know, the past couple of weeks I guess
Thank you and hang up the phone
Let the funeral start, hear the casket close
Let's pin split-black ribbon to your overcoat
But laughter pours from under doors
In this house, I don't understand that sound no more
It seems artificial, like a T.V. set
Well, haligh, haligh, haligh, haligh
This weight it must be satisfied
You offer only one reply
You know not what you do
As you tear and tear your hair from roots
From that same head you have twice removed now
A lock of hair you said would prove our love would never die
Well ha ha ha
I remember everything, the words we spoke on freezing South street
And all those morning watching you get ready for school
You combed your hair inside that mirror
The one you painted blue and glued with jewelry tears
Something about those bright colors would always make you feel better
But now we speak with ruined tongues and the words we say aren't meant for anyone
It's just a mumbled sentence to a passing acquaintance
But there was once you
You said you hate my suffering and you understood and you'd take care of me
You'd always be there, well where are you now?
Haligh, haligh, haligh, haligh
The plans were never finalized
But left to hang like yarn and twine dangling before my eyes
As you tear and tear your hair from roots
From that same head you have twice removed now
A lock of hair you said would prove our love would never die
And I sing and sing unlawful things, the pleasure that my sadness brings
As my fingers press onto the strings yet another clumsy chord
Haligh, haligh, an awful lie
This weight would now be satisfied
I'm gonna give you only one reply, I know not who I am
But I talk in the mirror to the stranger that appears
Our conversations are circles, always one-sided, nothing is clear
Except we keep coming back to this meaning that I lack
He says the choices were given and now you must live them
Or just not live, but do you want that?

At the center of the world there's a statue of a girl
She is standing near a well with a bucket bare and dry
I went and looked her in the eyes and she turned me into sand
This clumsy form that I despise, it scattered easy in her hand
And came to rest upon a beach, with a million others there
We sat and waited for the sea to stretch out so that we could disappear
Into the endlessness of blue, into the horror of the truth
See, we are far less than we knew
Yeah, we are far less than we knew
But we knew what we could taste
Girls found honey to drench our hands, the men cut marble to mark our graves
Said, we'll need something to remind us of
All the sweetness that has passed through us
(fresh sangria and lemon tea)
The priest dressed children for choir
(white-robed small voices praise Him)
But found no joy in what was sung
The funeral had begun
In the middle of the day when you drive home to your place
From that job that makes you sleep back to the thoughts that keep you awake
Long after night has come to claim any light that still remains
In the corner of the frame that you put around her face
Two pills just weren't enough
The alarm clock's going off, but you're not waking up
This isn't happening, happening, happening, happening, happening
It is

Sunrise, sunset, sunrise, sunset, swiftly go the days
Sunrise, sunset, you wake up, then you undress, it always is the same
A sunrise and a sunset, you are lying while you confess, keep trying to explain
The sunrise and the sun sets, you realize and then you forget
What you have been trying to retain
But everybody knows that it's all about the things that get stuck inside of your head
Like the songs your roommate sings, a vision of her body as she stretches out on your bed
She raised her hands in the air, asked you
"When was the last time you looked in the mirror?
'Cause you've changed, yeah, you've changed"
Sunrise, sunset, you're hopeful, then you regret, the circle never breaks
With a sunrise and sunset there's a change of heart or address, is there nothing that remains?
For a sunrise or a sunset, you're manic or you're depressed, will you ever feel ok?
For a sunrise and a sunset, your lover is an actress, did you really think she'd stay?
For a sunrise or a sunset, you're either coming or you just left
But you're always on the way
Towards a sunrise or a sunset, a scribble or a sonnet, they are really just the same
To the sunrise or the sunset, the master and his servant have exactly the same fate
It's a sunrise and a sunset, from a cradle to a casket, there is no way to escape
The sunrise and the sunset, hold your sadness like a puppet, keep putting on the play
But everything you do is leading to the point where you just won't know what to do
And at the moment you are laughing, there is someone there who will be laughing louder than you
So it's true, the trick is complete
You've become everything you said you never would be
You're a fool, you're a fool
Sunrise, sunset, sunrise, sunset
The sunrise and the sunset, go home to your apartment
Put the cassette in the tape deck and let that fever play
Sunrise, sunset, where are you, Arienette?
Where are you, Arienette?

Did you expect it all to stop at the wave of your hand?
Like the sun's just gonna drop if it's night you demand
Well, in the dark we are just air so the house might dissolve
But once we're gone, who's gonna care if we were ever here at all?
Well, summer's gonna come, it's gonna cloud our eyes again
There's no need to focus when there's nothing that's worth seeing
So we trade liquor for blood in an attempt to tip the scales
I think you lost what you loved in that mess of details
They seemed so important at the time but now you can't even recall
Any of the names, faces, or lines, it's more the feeling of it all
Well, winter's gonna end, I'm gonna clean these veins again
So close to dying that I finally can start living
All right

There's a middle-aged woman, she's dragging her feet
She carries baskets of clothes to a laundromat
While the Mexican children kick rocks into the street
And they laugh in a language I don't understand
But I love them, why do I love them?
The neighborhood's dimming, I smoke on the porch
And watch the people as they pass enclosed inside their cars
On their faces just anger or disappointment
I start wishing there was something I could offer them
A consolation, what could I offer them?
Well, they are sad in their suburbs
Robots water the lawn, and everything they touch gets dusted spotless
So they start to believe they've not touched anything at all
And the cars in the driveway only multiply
They are lost in their houses, I've heard them sing in the shower
Making speeches to their sister on the telephone, saying, You come home
Woman, you come here, don't stay so far away from me
This weather has me wanting love more tangible
Something I can hold 'cause it's getting cold
Let's hold up our fists to the flame in the sky
To block out the light that's reaching for our eyes
Because it would blind us, it will blind us
Now I've locked my actions in the grooves of routine
So I may never be free of this apathy
But I wait for a letter that's coming to me
She sends me pictures of the ocean in an envelope
So there still is hope, yes, I can be healed
There is someone looking for what I've concealed
In my secret drawer, in my pockets deep
You will find the reasons that I can't sleep and you will still want me
But will you still want me?
Come for the week, you can sleep in my bed
And pass through my life like a dream through my head
It will be easy, I'll make it easy
All I have for the moment is a song to pass the time
And a melody to keep me from worrying
Some simple progression to keep my fingers busy
And words that are sure to come back to me, and they will be laughing
My mediocrity, my mediocrity

Radio: Hi, we're back. This is Radio KX and we're here with Conor Oberst of the band Bright Eyes. How are you doing Conor?

Conor: Fine, thanks. Just a little wet

Radio: Oh yeah, it's still coming down out there

Conor: Yeah, I sort of had to run from the car

Radio: Well, we are glad you made it. Now your new album, Fevers and Mirrors. Tell us a little bit about the title. I noticed there was a good deal of repeated imagery in the lyrics, fevers . . . mirrors, scales, clocks. Could you discuss some of this?

Conor: Sure. Let's see, the fever is . . .

Radio: First let me say, that this is a brilliant record, man, we're all really into it here at the station. We get lots of calls, it's really good stuff

Conor: Thanks, thanks a lot

Radio: So talk a little bit about some of the symbolism

Conor: The fever?

Radio: Sure

Conor: Well the fever is basically whatever ails you or oppresses you, it could be anything. In my case it's my neurosis, my depression, but I don't want to be limited to that. It's certainly different for different people. It's whatever keeps you up at night

Radio: I see

Conor: And then the mirror is like, as you might have guessed, self-examination or reflection or whatever form. This could be vanity or self-loathing. I don't know, I'm guilty of both

Radio: That's interesting. How about the scale?

Conor: The scale is essentially our attempt to solve our problems quantitatively through logic or rationalization. In my opinion it's often fruitless, but always, well, not always. And the clocks and calendars, etcetera, its just time, our little measurements. It's like, it's always chasing after us

Radio: It is, it is. How about this Arienette, how does she fit in to all of this?

Conor: I'd prefer not talk about it, in case she's listening

Radio: Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize she was a real person

Conor: She's not, but I made her up

Radio: Oh, so she's not real?

Conor: Just as real as you or I

Radio: I don't think I understand

Conor: Neither do I, but after I grow up I will. I mean, you know what, a lot of things are really unclear for me right now

Radio: That's interesting. Now you mentioned your depression

Conor: No I didn't

Radio: You're from Nebraska, right?

Conor: Yeah, that's right

Radio: Now let me know if I'm getting to personal, but there seems to be a pretty dark past back there somewhere. What was it like for you growing up?

Conor: Dark? Not really. Actually I had a great childhood. My parents were wonderful. I went to a Catholic school. They have, I had money, so it was all easy. I basically had everything that I wanted anytime

Radio: Really? So some of the references like babies in bathtubs are not biographical?

Conor: Well I did have a brother who died in a bathtub . . . he drowned. Well actually I had five brothers that drowned

Radio: (Chuckle)

Conor: No, I'm serious. My mother drowned one every year for five consecutive years. They were all named Padraic, and that's why they only got one song. It's kind of like walking out a door and discovering that it's a window

Radio: But your music is certainly very personal

Conor: Of course, I put a lot of myself into what I do. It's like being an author, you have to free yourself to use symbolism and allegory to meet your goal. And part of that is compassion, empathy for other people and their situations. Some of what I sing about comes from other people's experiences. It shouldn't matter, the message is intended to be universal

Radio: I see what you mean

Conor: Could you make that sound stop, please?

Radio: Yes. And your goal?

Conor: I don't know. Create feelings I guess. A song never ends up the way you planned it

Radio: That's funny you'd say that, do you think that . . .

Conor: Do you ever hear things that aren't really there?

Radio: I'm sorry, what?

Conor: Never mind. How long have you worked at this station?

Radio: Oh, just a few minutes. Now you mentioned empathy for others. Would you say that that motivates you to make the music that you make?

Conor: No, not really. It's more a need for sympathy. I want people to feel sorry for me. I like to feel the burn of the audience's eyes on me when I'm revealing all my darkest secrets into the microphone. When I was a kid I used to carry a safety pin around with me every where I went in my pocket, and when people weren't paying enough attention to me, I'd dig it into my arm until I started crying. Everyone would stop what they were doing and ask me what was the matter. I guess, I guess I kind of liked that

Radio: Really, you're telling me that you're doing all of this for attention?

Conor: No, I hate it when people look at me, I get nauseous. In fact, I could care less what people think about me. Do you feel that?

Radio: No, I feel sick

Conor: I really just want to be this warm yellow light that pours over everyone that I love

Radio: So you're going to play something for us now? Is this a new song?

Conor: Yeah, but I haven't written it yet. It's one I've been meaning to write called A Song To Pass The Time

Radio: Oh, that's a nice title

Conor: You should write your own scripts

Radio: Yeah, I know

The drunk kids, the catholics
They're all about the same
They're waiting for something, hoping to be saved
Well I have been happy the past couple days
Just thinking of the women who've taken your place
And every night I think I won't ever sleep sober or alone
And then suddenly it occurs to me that I slept alone before you
And so I pour myself the stiffest drink that my stomach can stand
And I convince myself to lay back down again
I'm gonna lay back down, I'm gonna lay back down again
The drunk kids, the catholics
Are all about the same
They're waiting for something
Hoping to be saved
They crawl from the ocean to paint in the caves
But I'm working all weekend
I need to get paid

All eyes on the calendar, another year I claim of total indifference
To here the days pile up with decisions to be made
I'm sure all of them were wrong
Into this song, I send myself
And with these drinks I plan to collapse and forget
This wasted year, these wasted years
Devoted friends, they disappear
I'm sorry about the phone call, and needing you
Some decisions you don't make
I guess it's like breathing and not wanting to
There are some things that you can't fake
I guess that it's typical to cling to memories you'll never get back again
And to sort through old photographs of a summer long ago
Or a friend that you used to know
And there, below his frozen face, you wrote the name and that ancient date
And you can't believe he is really gone
When all that's left is a fucking song
I'm sorry about the phone call and waking you
I know that it's late
But thank you for talking, because I needed to
Some things just can't wait

So, I'm just the medicine
You take when you're sick
You get well and that's it
I'm put back on the shelf in your mirror
And it isn't exceptional
The course of our fate
So, people love and they hate
And I guess it's just our turn to hate
Yeah, you were just some song I wrote
A poem on a page
A sculpture I made out of clay
Desire was the flame
But now you're more of a basketball
Boys just pass you around
They bounce you hard on the ground and dribble
And then we all get high fives
And you think I'm an asshole now
Well, you're probably right
But at least I'm not blind to the facts
I've been wishing were lies
But still I hope you get everything
That you care to possess
And unbelievable sex with him
Or any one of my friends
But just don't ask about my appetite
I didn't lose it tonight
No, it's been gone half my life
It's just act, I've been eating for you

Well morning came
And it dressed the sky in a lovely yellow gown
Now the shops they are all opening
In that narrow hallway of downtown
Filled with people who are shopping for their lovers and theirfriends
Saying they won't ever be lonely again
Well, the forest fenced becomes backyards
Like songs are born from sound
And the apple fell and it taught us all
We are chained here to the ground
So, I mean, here we go, but there ain't no escape
These streets are just dead ends
So I won't ever be happy again
Now it seems you, too, see a painful blue
When you stare into the sky
You could never understand
The movement of a hand waving goodbye
But as the story goes, or it is often told
A new day will arise
And all the dance halls will be full of skeletons
That are coming back to life
And on a grassy hill the lion will lay down with the lamb
And I won't ever be lonely again
But until that time I think I'd better find some disbelief to suspend
'Cause I don't want to feel like this again

Why do you lay in the grass?
Don't you want to be found?
Don't you want that?
Isn't the Sun even going to try
To find a hole in the clouds?
Isn't it even going to try?
Why won't it try that?
Why do you lay so low in the grass?
Don't you want to be found?
Don't you want to be found?
I thought you wanted that?

There's a cat in the window of the house of my lover
Well, she sleeps there alone now, or perhaps with another
Oh, I try not to think about that
I try not to think at all
I get cocaine from a girl I met and my brother buys me alcohol
And I stay up all night
Walking through these houses I have grown to hate
And my parents ask if I'm all right
I say, 'I've just been staying up too late'
I need to sleep
I need to do something to get this awful weight up off my chest
To keep her pretty ghost from chasing me
Her ghost from chasing me, from chasing me

So you say there are spaces open and wide
Believe me, there's days longer than nights
And you will be happy the minute you try
But you don't try, no, you don't try
And you speak of a fever that burns you inside
As you explain to your mother how you've wanted to die
So she kisses your fingers and says 'My darling but why?
When there is so much more
There is so much more
Do you know there are spaces open and wide
Oh, believe me, there's days longer than nights
And you will be happy if only you'd try
Oh, won't you try?
Oh, won't you try?

Lovers turn into monsters at the loss of all affection
Almost like it was the affection that kept them from being monsters
And I could have used some warning
I was on that porch all morning
Smoking cigarettes and sinking deeper into doubt
Could it be I am mistaken, have I stolen somebody's baby?
Is it possible for two people to need the same thing?
It's just the lines, they get so blurry
Between what is once, and now required
And I don't know on which side his heart falls
But I know where mine is buried
And it's so far from any wanting
Yeah, it needs this to keep beating
It won't go on without it
If I'm still weighed down with subt'leties
Then I'll just come right out and say
That I think that I deserve her
More than anyone deserves anything
Maybe I am selfish, but there is no way to share this
There's not enough to go around, I don't care who else gets hurt
But I'm still sick with empathy because I was stood in his place
I spent a year quietly dying while you let go and ignored her
And I'm sure that there are reasons for everything that happens
And absence leads to adoration, yeah it's nobody's fault
But now there is no way to change this
So I just photographed and framed it
And it's hanging in a hallway
That we have no right to walk back down
But I hope that he feels better but I'm sick of all the drama
I can't stand to see her crying, I just want this shit to end
And I want a place to hang out where a record player's playing
And there's a thousand movies rented for a thousand nights with her

There is nothing for which I am responsible
Just this baggage that I keep carrying on as if I had someone

Ok, maybe there is a woman somewhere
Who's still thinking of me
Or a girl with coal black hair
Who's haunted in her dreams
But what they've seen, well, it wasn't me
It was just some lie that they slept beside
I kept this from them but I can't keep this from you

So will you look for me in that strange, bright place
Where the statues bloom in the park?
They don't need no rain

Because how I ever got to you, I have no idea
It's like some secret door, well, it just appeared
So, no matter what I do from now on with my time
You will always stay here in my mind
I am certain of this and I am not certain of anything

So I want to get myself attached to something bolted down
So that these winds of circumstance won't keep blowing me around
To when I land to when I leave there is enough time to sleep and sing
I keep running when all I want is to lay motionless

He always gets so mad things you laugh at
"Don't get so worked up," you'd say
But on the back deck you admit
That you haven't felt much like laughing lately anyway
And so I say, "That could change"

I noticed how you waste no time
Making your way across the room
You leave a wake of tongues still waving after you
And it isn't no coincidence
Where you finally choose to stand
I guess soon you will be leaving your man

It's a sweet smile and then a denial
Hey, you are just trying to be nice
But there is a meaning to every fleeting action
You unconsciously decide
The clocks, they chime
Now it's time

I know you try and play it cool
But there are some thoughts you just can't hide
Only in your closest friends do you confide
The way you say you'll be seeing me
Oh, like it's so offhand
I guess soon you will be leaving your man

You stare at me so boldly now
You have no lack of confidence
It's just those lessons on subtlety you missed
I know you dream of saving me
Like I'm some plane that you could land
But when you fly you'll be leaving your man

There's a voice on the phone telling what had happened
Some kind of confusion, more like a disaster
And it wondered how you were left unaffected
But you had no knowledge, no, the chemicals covered you
And so a jury was formed as more liquor was poured
No need for conviction, they're not thirsting for justice
But I slept with the lies I keep inside my head
I found out I was guilty
I found out I was guilty
But I won't be around for the sentencing
'Cause I'm leaving on the next airplane
And though I know that my actions are impossible to justify
They seem adequite to fill up my time
And if I could talk to myself like I was someone else
Then maybe I could take your advice
And I wouldn't act like such an asshole all the time
There's a film on the wall, makes the people look small
Who are sitting beside it, all consumed in the drama
They must return to their lives once the hero has died
They will drive to the office, stopping somewhere for coffee
Where the folk singers, poets, and playwrites convene
Dispensing their wisdom, oh dear amateur orator
They will detail their pain in some standard refrain
They will recite their sadness like it's some kind of contest
Well if it is, I think I am winning it
All beaming with confidence as I make my final lap
The gold medal gleams, so hang it around my neck
Because I am deserving it, the champion of idiots
But a kid carries his Walkman on that long bus ride to Omaha
I know a girl who cries when she practices violin
'Cause each note sounds so pure, it just cuts into her
And then the melody comes pouring out her eyes
Now to me everything else, it just sounds like a lie

I met you through a common friend
In the attic of my parents' house
And though I didn't know it then
I soon was finding out
Oh, you are the roots that sleep beneath my feet
And hold the earth in place
Each time a faucet opens, words are spoken
The water runs away
And I hear your name
No, nothing has changed
There was this book I read and loved, the story of a ship
Who sailed around the world and found that nothing else exists
Beyond his own two sails, and wooden shell
And what is held within
All else is sure to pass, we clutch and grasp
And debate what's truly permanent
But when the wind starts to shift
Well, there's no argument
Now, I sing and drink and sleep on floors
And try hard not to be annoyed
By all these people worrying about me
So when I'm suffering through some awful drive
You occasionally cross my mind
It's my hidden hope that you are still among them
Well are you?
Oh, you are the roots that sleep beneath my feet
And hold the earth in place
Each time a curtain opens, sunlight pours in
A lifetime melts away
And we share a name
On some picturesque grave

It was in the March of the winter I turned seventeen
That I bought those pills I thought I would need
And I wrote a letter to my family
Said it's not your fault, you've been good to me
It's just lately I've been feeling like I don't belong
Like the ground's not mine to walk upon
And I've heard that music echo through the house
Where my grandmother drank by herself
And I sat watching a flower as it was withering
I was embarassed by its honesty
So I'd prefer to be remembered as a smiling face
Not this fucking wreck that's taken its place
So please forgive what I have done
No, you can't stay mad at the setting sun
Because we all get tired, I mean eventually
There is nothing left to do but sleep
But spring came bearing sunlight, those persuasive rays
So I gave myself a few more days
My salvation it came, quite suddenly
When Justin spoke very plainly
He said "Now, of course it's your decision
But just so you know
If you decide to leave, soon I will follow"
I wrote this for a baby who has yet to be born
My brother's first child, I hope that womb's not too warm
'Cause it's cold out here, and it will be quite a shock
To breathe this air, to discover loss
So I'd like to make some changes before you arrive
So when your new eyes meet mine, they won't see no lies
Just love, just love
I will be pure, like snow, like gold

Love is real
It is not just in novels or the movies
It is fact
And it is standing here right in front of you
So if you open your eyes, oh what a sweet discovery
There is hope, and there is joy, and there is acceptance
So now let all of the light that collects on your plants
Keep you warm, make you smile
And I will be there with this pen in my hand
To record all the while
You'll be laughing so loud that the house would shake with sound
And everything will be as new as the day it was found
Love is real
It is not just in long distance commercials
Or something that you thought you felt back in high school
So I will turn black and white
Become that horoscope you're reading
It predicts something good is on its way
Oh, and then I will send you the world green and blue
In a box through the mail
You can open it up, hold it right in your hand
And be glad that it's there
And be glad that you're there
You can feel all the knots in your stomach start to untie
And suddenly it's not so hard to say you're all right
Love is real
It is not just in poetry and stories
It is truth, and it will follow you
Everywhere you go from now on
So if you'd just cast off your doubt
Then your lips would answer for you
Oh my darling, when you smile, it is like a song
And I can hear it now